No, I do not know you.

One of the main annoyances of my job is when I ask someone for I.D. and the first thing they say is:

"You know me. I come in here all the time!"

Well obviously fucking not, because if this was the case, I wouldn't ask you for I.D. now would I? If I don't know your name, you don't know mine, you don't come to my house for sleepovers then

NO.

I do not know who the fuck you are and thus...

YOU NEED TO SHOW ME YOUR I.D.!

Snatch Game

Ahh... people pissing me off.

Dude was on the phone and kept teetering back and forth so I finally just snatched the bill out his damn hand.

"Did you just snatch that from me?"
"No."

When I hand him his change, he snatches it and says,

"Ha, but I snatched it back right?"

... And this man looks like he is fucking 50 something years old.

Like, are you serious? Maybe if his dumb ass wasn't on the phone, I wouldn't have had to snatch his ratty ass money in the first fucking place.

Really, he was lucky I didn't snap on his ass, but I was already in a foul mood so I was already in "I don't give a fuck" mode. You see, earlier, I broke down crying at work and...

TO BE CONTINUED

EBTs Not Fucking Accepted!

Note to all food stamp users of America: I'm pretty sure our government didn't intend for you to use your EBTs on liquor and cigerettes.

Like, fucking seriously.

You can't speak??

This past weekend this couple came into my store speaking a foreign language. If I had to guess, I'd say it was creole. Anyway, the guy left while the girl handed me her card. From the small talk I was making, it didn't take a genius to guess she spoke very little english.

So... while she was waiting for her receipt, a man came up next to her and asked how she was doing. She gave him a little smile, and he said, "What, you can't speak?" in a very rude voice. She smiled again, I gave her the receipt, and she left.

When she left, he turns to me and asks how I'm doing and I reply good. "Oooh, at least somebody can speak!"

. . . . Cue the fucking crickets.

How rude, dude. 1) You don't know her situation. She could have been having a horrible day. 2) Not everyone you greet has to fucking talk to you. This is not Candy Land. and 3) Maybe she doesn't speak english. Which was the case!

So some advice: if you greet someone and they decide not to greet you back, don't take it personal. You don't know what the fuck is going on. And if you do wish to take it personal, grow the fuck up. There are plenty of times when I don't want to talk to people. For the most part, it's simply because I don't want to, and that's my choice, not yours.

Minimum purchase $8.00

A lot of the stores I go into have some sort of minimum purchase required in order to use a credit card/debit card. My school has one ($3.00), some gas stations have one, some stores at the mall have one...

But yet, plenty of our customers have an absolute uproar because we have one ($8.00) and act like they've never heard of a store having that before and that it's absolutely ridiculous to have one. If a customer chooses to buy something under $8.00, then we add a 50 cent charge to make up for the charge incurred from our credit card company. (Because frankly, we don't have to pay it because someone wants to charge $2.50 to buy a bag of cheetos and pork skins!)

Ok, quick lesson: The credit card companies make money from stores who have a credit card machine. This is why a lot of places do not accept American Express and Discover Card, because they charge storeowners the highest in fees.

So, to the man who grumbled while leaving because he wanted to charge under $8.00 and said, "How the hell are they are going to tell me how to spend my money?"

BECAUSE IT'S MY FUCKING STORE, YOU CHEAP DOUCHE.

I.D. please!

If you enter a liquor store and don't have any wrinkles and gray hair, do not give me an attitude if I ask for your I.D.

It's really a pain in the ass whenever I ask someone who will admit to being 21 get pissed because I ask for I.D. because they decided to leave it at home, don't want to walk to the car to get it, reach in their wallet, etc. etc.

It's part of my fucking job description to ask you for your I.D. Stop being a stupid ass about it, and just show it to me. It's not my fault you're a stupid fuck who doesn't bring their I.D. into a place that I.D.'s.

I look young for my age and I know it, so it would be ridiculous for me to get mad if I'm carded. I come to expect it because I look a couple of years under 21.

Be GRATEFUL I'm asking you for I.D. because soon enough, all that alchohol is going to have you looking like this when you're only 35:

Jailbirds

I was on my local news website today when I noticed they had a link for mugshots for my county.

It's a problem when 10 people out of the first 25 are your customers.

We can't make money if our customers are in jail!! Do better so we can do better!!

Dirty Money

I hate dirty money. And I'm not talking about Diddy's group.

Now, I know that all money is dirty unless you get it straight from the mint. People are always picking their nose, sneezing, stratching their dandruff (etc. etc.) and then handing money off to someone else.

But STILL. I don't want to see that! So save me the torture of the visual! If it's 75 degrees outside and you hand me a $20 from your bra, and you weigh 30 lbs over your ideal weight, then I will know exactly why your money is soggy.